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Question: I'm twenty years old and have never dated. I am completely clueless about how approach women. I've never even kissed a girl. I tried twice in high school to ask a girl out, but just froze up. How can I chat with women I like? I am terrified of asking a woman out. My friends don't know how to help me. They have girlfriends and can't relate to my problem. I'm so shy and lonely. What can I do?
- Answers:
Mr Know: Geat news! You're a 20 year old virgin vs. a 40 year old virgin. You're asking two different questions: How to meet girls, and once you meet one how do you develop a relationship? I feel for you I am a shy person myself, but because I was an athlete, the girls came to me. The best way to meet girls is through your friends, if you are shy. I had to overcome my shyness and what really helped me was a book
called "How to Win and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie. Read it ever day! It works. Trust me!
As far as having a relationship with a woman, you have to be yourself. There's nothing wrong with you being a virgin and staying a virgin until you get married. Being a virgin these days is cool. You must really think hard about why should or shouldn't be a virgin. Don't feel pressured to become virginless, just because of peer pressure.
Another thing you can do is to seek advice from your female friends. Get their constructive criticism of how to act, dress, and behave. Women are not the easiest creatures to understand so why not get advice from them? Do me a favor. Don't be a 40 year old virgin.
Ms Mystery: I agree on the book! Read it. Remember most people feel shy. Some of the most outgoing people I've met have told me they feel shy. One thing that will help you meet many women is to treat them as "People" first. Don't think of women as some kind of creatures you can never understand. We are people just like you, with the same wants and needs. Women feels shy and insecure too. Start with small conversations, expecting nothing more than to chat for a moment or two. Develop friendships with girls. The thing you fear is the unknown. Just make a few female friends and you will not feel so shy around women. Women feel lonely too! So think of that and go make some "friends."
I made it to 21 without ever having dated and I'm actually glad. When I found someone who liked me and accepted me for who I am I wasn't burdened with some of the baggage I've seen people pick up through the dating scene.
On another note, getting female friends will help you act like a real human being more. And I found that meeting people over the internet helped a lot. I used OKCupid.com to make friends (key word is "friends" it helps not to expect anything more than that because friendship is the best foundation for a long term relationship). It's free, but you have to be careful. I found my wife on there, we were friends for 8 months before we admitted we liked each other. Just remember not to ruin friendships by being too obsessed with getting a mate. I did that a few times and people who were really good friends with me got weirded out and we're no longer very close. I didn't find my wife until I stopped focusing on dating and just decided to make good friends. If the woman likes you she'll let you know (my wife actually just came out and told me she had a crush on me). A lot of woman actually like men who don't pressure them towards dating, and that attitude is good for long term relationships.
Posted by: Ben | April 13, 2008 at 12:43 PM
And let's not forget money...girls love money..
Posted by: mrlef | April 01, 2008 at 11:51 PM