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Question: I was seeing this guy from work, and nobody knew, not even my friends. It was fun. We were secretive. We used to meet up after work,etc. We made each other laugh, had fun, and had serious chats where he opened up to me.
I thought nothing serious was going to happen. But I actually wanted it to, so I texted him and said "Hi, this guy asked me on a date. Do you mind?" He texted back, "No that's fine. Have a lovely time." I figured he was not interested in me, and didn't care, so I texted back "Great... friends?" He texted, "Do me a favor and get lost, have a lovely time."
So does he care or not? I went out with my friends that night, then met him afterwards. I was drunk and told him I wanted to know were I stood. He said "Nowhere" but admitted he was jealous, and says he always looks at me in work. After that
things faded out, I stopped texting him and he didn't text me. But we still see each other at work. He jokes with me and calls me sexy and tells me he loves my new haircut. He says little things like "I've always liked that t-shirt you have on." We talk about our memories and laugh about it. The bad thing is, I told everyone at work I have a new boyfriend, and he told me he has a new girlfriend. He brings her into work all the time! He knows I still like him, but why's he doing this? It hurts me every time I look at him, and he's always texting on his phone and smiling. And he flirts with other girls in front of me. Does he still like me? Is he playing games? How can I win him back?
Answers:
Ms. Mystery: It sounds like he did care but you scared him off when you
texted him that you were going on a date. He got jealous and figured
you didn't care about him. That is the danger of texting. Words in
e-mails and text messages are easily misinterpreted. Plus, you can't
hear the person's voice or see their face in order to know what the
person is feeling or how they mean what they say.
Guys do NOT play games. Only
girls play games. If you know that guys ALWAYS mean what they say, and
say what they mean - you will understand guys. When you asked him where
you stand and he said "nowhere." Take it at that - nothing more. He
didn't say it as a game. He is still attracted to you, but he has a
girlfriend now, you have a boyfriend. Perhaps one day you'll both be
free at the same time. The problem is that this relationship wasn't deep
enough to grow yet, for whatever reason. It is over. There are plenty of
other fish in the sea. Try to ignore him when you are working and focus
on work.
Mr. Know: First, stop text messaging, period! That is the death of any relationship, married or not. You started this game, he didn't. Obviously the guy has strong feelings for you. You totally screwed up by texting him that stupid-ass question. You should have called him or met with him face to face and said, "Hey, look I've got strong feelings for you. Do you have the same feelings as I do?" But instead, you made up a story about having a boyfriend. If I was this guy I'd be pissed.
I don't know what your motivations were, but it appears it was all to find our whether this guy had strong feelings or not. Because your games failed, and if you still have strong feelings for this guy, go to him and say, "Can I talk to you?" and tell how you feel. Both of you are afraid of rejection, but most likely you both still like each other. Bottom line: I hope that all this was a bunch of games and you end up together. And if you do, stop texting damn it! You have nothing to lose. And talk to him over a drink.
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